“I’m sorry.” Two very powerful words. We think of these words as an admission of mistakes, of both in action and character. Often times, managers don’t want to vocalize these words to subordinates because they see it as a sign of weakness, a weapon that may be used against them down the line. A bad manager may even spin it so not only is he or she not taking any accountability, but will also lay blame at someone else’s feet. This creates an environment of distrust, insecurity, and resentment. So not only is this person that is supposed to be your leader dishonest, but you have to brace yourself for the possibility of tread marks on your brand new, freshly ironed, button-down shirt from how far that “leader” may throw you under the bus.
A mediocre manager may deflect, vaguely hinting that he or she is in the wrong, but it’s really more important to look at the shiny thing over here instead. Remember this moment. This is when your loyal employees start losing respect for you, or worse, take the same approach when confronted with their own mistakes. In this environment, you are no longer a team, but individual players. The work will never be the best because the issues are never thoroughly addressed. In this way, the mediocre manager may be perceived worse than the bad manager because the bad manager may be blaming someone else, but at least the issues will be addressed and possibly resolved.
So what does a good manager do? If they have already established genuine respect from the group they lead, then the words should slip out easily. I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Jake Houseman said it best in Dirty Dancing- “When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong.” Addressing an error or an oversight might make you vulnerable, but it also strengthens an already good foundation of trust and communication. It says you can make a mistake too, but please don’t hide it and let’s see if we can repair the cracks as a team to be stronger at the end. It diffuses as emotions begins to escalate. An apology should make you feel humble, human. And when done sincerely and completely, should make you more resilient to anyone that may try to use your mistake to excuse their own.
Practice exercises:
I’m sorry. The numbers on the spreadsheet were not tabulated correctly.
I’m sorry. I didn’t read the email in its entirety.
I’m sorry. I was only half listening to you because I’m still shook at that Game of Thrones ending. That is no excuse and it was very rude of me.
I’m sorry. I should have never reprimanded you in front of your direct reports.
I’m sorry. I thought that sandwich in the fridge was mine.
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