WE’RE STILL FRIENDS, RIGHT? RIGHT?

When you manage people that you genuinely like, maybe even consider friends, disciplinary conversations may seem muddy. Perhaps you don’t want to be “the bad guy” or you want to continue to be well-liked. As a result, you avoid situations that need to be addressed. You don’t want to receive the cold shoulder or not be included in office banter and watercooler talk or Chipotle group lunches. Remember this is not a popularity contest and you manage your entire team, not select individuals. The inability to address problems as they arise can lead to a continuation or worsening of negative situations and poor morale around the office. Words like “favoritism” and phrases like “nothing will ever change” are thrown around. Your leadership also comes into question. But the biggest disservice you are doing, is not giving the employee that needs to be disciplined the opportunity to improve before the problem escalates.

Speak to the employee just like you would any other. This is not the time to chit chat about the weekend, or sports, or your crazy mother-in-law with all her cats. Be direct, establish your expectations of this person moving forward, be clear as what will happen if the situation occurs again, and follow through. That doesn’t always mean a write-up or termination. It might mean a subsequent conversation to get the employee on the right track. I often remind the employee within these meetings the good he or she is contributing to the team and this incident or behavior doesn’t negate those good things. But I still need to see immediate corrective action on the matter at hand.

Next, follow-up with the employee in a day, a few days, a week (whatever works for the incident). If you are working with a true professional, then he or she should receive your feedback as it was meant to be received. If you or anyone else on your team is being “iced out,” then perhaps you should figure out if this individual is too toxic for the team and then, once again, take appropriate action. Leadership Consultant, Jimmy Blackmon, states “It’s not a lesson learned unless there is a modification of behavior.” Also, if the employee is avoiding you, it might be he or she is embarrassed. Give him or her time to process your feedback. This is why it’s important to follow-up to check on progress and offer reassurances. Hopefully you’ll be back at Chipotle paying extra for guacamole in no time.